Pens&Needles

    Don't you just hate when you: A)Have feelings for the wrong person, B)Still care for someone who has done you wrong,or the best one, C)Have feelings for someone that doesn't actually want a relationship. To be completely honest I'm always stuck in these situations, it's actually kind of pathetic haha. I fell for my best friend once, and you know, I kind of thought he liked me back but boy I was wrong. Well..at least I think I was wrong..who actually knows what went through his head. It's like he did stuff that he normally wouldn't just do for anyone, and it gave me the impression that maybe there were feelings there. 

   At a lot of points in my life I cared for someone way past the end of us. What I mean by that is like after we broke up, or after we stopped being friends. They literally did not care at all and acted like it too but little me of course would still do anything for them if they asked me to. I never saw it as a bad thing at those times. Now I've been observing other people who are just as vulnerable as I was and it's totally changed the way I act in those kind of situations. First of all, I'm never going to give someone more than a "second chance", because I KNOW once a person witnesses that you've let them back in your life so many times before, they'll take and take until they leave you feeling completely useless & empty. I've had enough of that. Second, sometimes you just have to remind yourself that you're worth so much more than what people make you feel you are. Third, if someone didn't appreciate you the first time, they won't appreciate you any other time after that, THEIR FREAKING LOSS.

   Let's fast forward to the fact that I'm attached to someone that I KNOW I don't have a future with at all. Will it hurt me in the end or won't it? I really have no idea. Feelings are there,but I guess it's not important enough for anything serious. I DON'T FREAKING KNOW. Feelings are dumb sometimes, but they are always going to be a part of life that is unless you're a vampire and turn your humanity off (At times I wish I could be one.) Get used to them people! Oh, & don't waste them on people who don't matter. :)

                            Love Always,

                            Deanna Marie